EVERYTHING IS FINE and then one day it isn’t. Rogue jets on shower nozzles start spraying at odd angles, getting us in the eye when we open the shower door. Bathmats never seem to dry. When we eat toast a daub of Marmite is left on the corners of our mouths. When we go for a coffee mug it’s always one cupboard over, the cake forks always one drawer down.

We strike red lights on the way to work. Arguments over the kitchen roster happen daily. Shoelaces keep coming undone. In our hands the laces feel like cold spaghetti.