THE KIDS IN Eleanor Hardy’s class are all still talking about the fight. They shouldn’t be – she heard the new deputy impose a strongly worded ban on the topic at assembly yesterday afternoon – but they are six and seven, so probably think a fight is exciting.

Eleanor had been writing the lowercase alphabet up on the whiteboard for the kids to copy when Dillon’s mum burst into the room and said See baby, Mum’s okay. That bitch couldn’t get one on me. Your mum’s the toughest mumma, Dill. Look at me, Dill, look, see? Everyone looked as she gestured at her face and body, exhibiting a lack of injuries.